


Scots on Keyboard Prediction Acid

by RebelDrFerguson, TheMenacingDuck



Category: Real Person Fiction, Scottish Actor RPF
Genre: Keyboard prediction stories, M/M, Randomness, Sexual Themes, Swearing, UTTER TOTAL CRACK, word prediction prompt stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:39:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 10,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6161296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelDrFerguson/pseuds/RebelDrFerguson, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMenacingDuck/pseuds/TheMenacingDuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warning.Utter.Total.Crack.<br/>Has been written whilst I have been ill and got very bored laid up in bed. Set from one word prompts, the contents of the story could send you slightly loopy or cause severe laughing attacks. In no way does this mean I'm on drugs but the characters of said story just maybe. Maybe. You'll have to read and see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only a Begining

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheMenacingDuck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMenacingDuck/gifts).



> Not much of this will make sense. Keyboard predictions never do but are always hilarious to read.

For the curtains had been so strong Craig has been sent out to buy a new window or Peter shall be deemed as King size of your kitchen.   
He has no idea why his phone makes his penis tingle so it drips.   
Really I have been working on how to extract Craig's raw essence of fact so Peter can be pleasured by the rabbit faster than the acid can scream.

Together with Pete they have been working on how to get a free trial period of triple rated yeti cream.   
The ice was not able to get a taxi from Dover so Peter stroked big brother off until the end of Craig’s TV show.   
Going to the station was the most pleasurable minute for Craig as he brought so much dark blue chocolate that made his nipples want to swim in Peter's eyes. They rubbed it over the next couple they saw and it was declared that they are the best at sex. 

Craig seems to like it hard. Harder than Murray and Peter likes it like that.   
The window was broken down into the new year and organisations orgamsed left-hand to the right. Peter thanked a weird button that showed him buttcheeks and cheese on Craig’s chest so hard that it was to hard to find the drive way for them to pay for the first one to come.

As the first couple of weeks pass they have a baby boy and the back of the nazi based book is totally different from the TV.   
Peter enjoys a meatloaf while his huge range of art prints sell in the moonlight.   
Craig is arrested for rubbing in public areas to Peters pictures online and the Russians compared it for the best deal. It has been such a shame that the company is looking at clinical trials to inject blueberries into frogspawn.  
Because of this Peter did not get out of bed and missed breakfast even though Craig tried to call his penis and make it tingle.


	2. It's getting worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn? Cheap Hotels? and William Shakespeare? WHAT!

It’s not the only way to get porn. Peter likes to get hard on the way to get groceries and pick up pointy objects.   
While he was having trouble finding the right carrycot for the milk, Craig was on the top of the sofa humping a huge amount of money. 

They have nine baby seats for the neighbor's chickens and they love vibrators. So Peter gets a little more time to suck the goat before adding lettuce. 

Buying a house with Craig was not a bad idea as they have more than enough rooms for inflatable animals and plants. 

When Friday came Peter yelled into the door about the cadburys advert over eggs and threatened to buy a cheap hotel to get a refund. Craig lost a bet to a friend in a concrete nappy and had to stand up on stage and dance naked to Robert Burns and ducks. 

With the champagne bottles on the wall Peter stopped to fuck a seagull while Clara ran past with oranges yelling that Craig had a bigger penis picture than William Shakespeare.

After that Craig got down to his knees to be able to do dirty things to the yellow pages. Showing Peter he liked people.   
Peter was not happy about the grassroots in the carpet and came on the upholstery.   
Phoning the police they came to help clean up the orgasms of the most important verbal communication as it was almost midnight and the Russians were not impressed.

Pressing the same cock on the upholstery, Peter grunted to the tune of my favourite keyboard solo.   
Through his shorts and happiness could be the meaning of life. 

Craig watched the video and the water in the cup shook the grass in the gardens of the most important people. Peter was not happy about that and demands Craig sat down with him on his face. It was almost as intense as being asked to provide a quote for car insurance.   
As the sun rose to get a hold on the quality of our own home, Craig and Peter dry drived to the zoo in York to masterbate to the zebras.

With that Craig got a new job as a little blanket whore. Peter was thrilled and threw a hat out of the bathroom window. The cat screeched to the sound of orgasmic violins while they kissed anyone and all they could see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it isn't obvious I write a lot of smut, then you're not reading this properly.


	3. I Don't Even Know Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ducks, London and the song of Scottish Power Tops.

Ducks and money were top of the list for Craig’s shopping. He was so horny for apples and stood in the hall thinking about that Spanish property Peter brought up in the andes.  
It has a very long groin and the kitchen floor was wet as a naked coach bus driver. 

Peter was in love with the new hand job and in search of an international student to teach in the art of anime sex. As he got his own cock out on the phone, Craig came on the lady in the queue for ten minutes.

Since their trip to London for condoms, Craig liked to have tea parties and weddings in the name of sex and moan the song of Scottish power tops. 

Peter had to go to the doctors for a while and the car was not able to handle the size of his hard nipples.   
So Craig called the local farm shop for Apple cider and they sat down with us and we flashed naked at pilots who have one or more fingers in their ears.

In love with Peter, Craig tried to contact me to do the one direction dance all over the world while the pizza was delivered.

Fast and reliable service to his knees was what Peter demands. Cock to the sky and more details about the hotel has been sent to me that make all dogs pornstars. Long term deals for luxury viagra and chocolate made Craig cry for your help in any situation.   
Wednesday morning and he said he would like to see the full tent of my pants so that we can help Peter get a fat tardis shape toy to put in the car.

As come filled his eyes like big day sales Peter sat on my hedge funds and sang at the bitch upstairs.   
The bitch then said that I can think of it as a whole new level of porn.  
Really looking forward to hearing from that pillow, Craig took place in a new dimension drama and was named king of horse cocks to the earth.

When Peter woke to the sound of orgasms and bad groans he called for a couple of credit cards and I have been sent out to buy a giant shuddering sock for pilfrey. The flag of our refurbished ship fell asleep on my phone so I couldn’t stop Craig from spring spurious climaxing. 

It was a big word for punk rock and sex roller blinds.


	4. Where Am I going With This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Werewolves? Mirrors and Pillows...eurgh I hate jorts.

Back from the fortune inn in Kent, London came to know that I have a feeling they wanted to check out this new version of the game vibrator. Peter enjoys it so much more than werewolves.

On my way home Craig is at the end of the boat and singing about bears in his pants.

“Bears are the best. Bears and the Russians that sit down in beans”

After that I am sure that you can find Peter on London tower and of course he was in pink crayon underwear humping a cat.

I will have to take that car and Craig to rob the tardis of its drugstore because the acid free tuna flowers were not able to make toast. 

Sheep and humanity do not hesitate to change bank account details of mirrors when Peter isn’t in the UK having a good day.

Music and video clips of porn power make it easier to find out more about yesterday’s bread dance and I will be happy for Peter to tell you that his wife is a great deal smaller than I.

Heaven is not rated yet, it's just that little bit too much for Peter to download.   
As the first pie hits the length of his work he smiles at the purple flowers hopeful that his thighs open.

There are so many soft yellow pillows on the garden that craig has been asleep for three days. The sun came on the tent of his snakeskin erected book when the postman moaned.

I wonder how long Peter will have a great horse riding sex lesson. As you can get so much more from sitting in his lap when his beard is on holiday in France.   
Kiss me to do the job. It is hard work to kink the shaft of that asda beef but vegans will stab Craig if you dare bite the bullet.

The same time as June and July is the best time for pizza Hut doughnuts.   
Peter likes his first with cheese and a second on Craig’s elbow. 

The sun dried semen is grumpy about this household so it brought to you a copy of the most popular online quotations for buying jorts.


	5. Someone take this phone off me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Cake! Ou Sam and Malcolm have appeared!

Forked to the edge of the most important order of orgasmic appearances, Peter is all about the sweet dreams of sweat and bearded goods.

Whole days per week pass in my life were Craig and the ducks dance to songs of murder and wine tasting with hints of pineapple. I find out that the noise from the TV show that you have on your local area is grinding the best deal for striped cake. 

Craig’s eyebrows love your cake for it’s smell of my jacket and is filed under porn for your email address is being protected from spam.

Peter visits the hairdressers today and I will have to be working with you to die in his indigo and violent hair. The salt and pepper finish makes me want to go through the use of ice cream cheese and feed Sam the best suit suppliers so she can be with malcolm.

Lost in the city of Edinburgh, Craig is arrested again for your photographs from Spain, that Peter covered in chocolate sauce and special effects. He stroked the door of my life open wide so I groaned to the sound of camera batteries dying.

Kim just called and Craig screamed that his favourite colour is zebra pink.  
Now Peter has to find a prime minister to cook for his forearm or else the Russians will send flowers with local meerkats to the Whitehouse and have a fashion show up in Kimpton.

Scottish power tops are interested in this case and Peter’s bracelet has been such a long one, He holds up the orgasms of the season and isn’t afraid of Americans.

After Sunday night the first cocktail party of the year started and Craig has been sent to toss the ring off the British Isles as Peter runs his wife through his coat collection.   
Mercedes have sent you a lot of sexy leather interior beds and Peter is having an issue with that book on your head because it confused his five o'clock erectile dysfunction.

Hard to believe that he had gone on so soft you drink to the sound of Craig in the shower singing about single ladies in Greater Manchester and all the way to get porn the above mentioned that you have a date with the new generation of my pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments. It would be nice to know what you think of this shit.


	6. Crack never ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Star wars, Starbucks and Michelle obama?

Supper was not the intended means of carrying your brother. Peter is going on with your friends to the corridors of special space school and my family have ordered that I have been a basic understanding of what science fiction really is.

I will marry Craig as asked for research and revenge on the humpback companies that are not available to take your call right now. The main course of the bathroom meal was as fine as Welsh language and culture is an excellent issue when porn is not rated user friendly.

If Peter finds you in the back of his car, sheep will bellow from Australia and Sarah will be screaming bad luck for tomorrow when Craig fails to load the tissues with vanilla extract from the depth of his spermatozoa.

Is life all year round this qwerty you moan as Peter is reading about the under kilt heating he had been waiting for. Overflowing happiness is not the only way to get popcorn with power showers whenever you need Scotland to release the power tops for the next tree experience.

Starbucks and suggested farmers don’t know what you think about Peter’s orgasmic obsession with you. I believe that were not made from high quality products and doing the sink unit with a cold toothbrush may send Craig into industrial sized cuddling outside the tent of his trousers.

Geoff and the judges will have to be considered for x factor if Peter is to give Craig his dark brown leather dolphin skincare jam back in time. The one time that you can have another go on his personal face pleasure ride is that of the most important and the beard is going to win an Oscar for your help with the order of events that lead to a friendly climax.

Throwing his boxer’s out of the car at the same time as the postage costs rose was a national tragedy for the United States of Paris Porn but I cheered to see the Americans were afraid of the mighty length.

A good few inches broke the biscuits and Peter cried over the weekend. Craig may have called for an experienced train conductor to help with his testicular band that were playing the theatre tomorrow before kissing Peter drunk and asking you to make the star wars movie with Michelle Obama.


	7. Reasons to stop writing smut on my phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter! Put down that Ipone its not really made of apples!

Wonders of the car leaving our legal use of acid, has an odd effect on Craig. We take it we can help with this erectile issue of lies and sooth the juicy pineapple waves of Peters thighs to make him stay in your shirt.

Throwing up the orgasms of time, the tickets for the next day delivery of children’s condom elections have been a bit more threatening to the city than I suspect Peter hoped-for. So Craig shouts for Sarah to hump the first major bulging money horse that they are not wishing to purchase because of this month’s rent has been spermatozoa for the neighbours goldfish porn marathon.

What I can see is Peter dancing to the cheeky thrust and video girls in nothing but a bit of gold golf shorts and cardboard beer hats as Craig sits on the phone farting to the sound of David Cameron laughing and Becky has painted the wall in your kitchen black and white for the second time in the name of sexual innuendo.

Peter likes bananas and I. The ketchup is the best way to make Craig and you moan like Will Young as the Doctor is able to make heartbeats out of school buses. As Peter takes a piss on the train he is snogged by a monkey in a broad colour space suit meaning Kim will have a sore throat in the morning.   
Houses of my life grunts to the opening ceremony of Craig’s orgasms and I can’t wait to hear from you soon about how they work down in Mexico with chocolate dog collars on.

“Kiss me drunk” Peter screams to the pizza in the sky blue car, juggling a good humour of huge meat wands. His name is spilt on the floor as Craig tried to solve the problem of his team’s erectile dysfunction from your cooking, that would choke a bit hard on the three main areas of expertise Peter had in karma-sutra.

Stroking to the story of a feverish penis toolkit, Kim just hopes that Peter won’t let me know what Craig is doing with that bottle of wine or she’s going to be able to make it easier to have fifteen years of orgasms. The duck has been such a good boy that you take it for a few weeks to a friend so Peter can be pleasured by art prints made from high quality acid logs and viagra.

You can find Craig’s purple butt friends in a cupboard of fun with your socks as the TV show details lifestyle changes for your quick reply to queef licking.

“Go to Dover there is no time” Craig moans as Peter falls into the beard of facial expressions that his eyebrows cannot even experience. 

We will have to be careful not to mention the same frisky anal heating system or Craig may not get credit for the score on Scottish pepper steaks and it might hurt if it is not lubricant with yogurt sauce when Peter eats the apple iPhone again.


	8. Live a life of werid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for the fact I say fuck alot, these crack fics have managed to avoid bad language! Smart Keyboard.

Beware the following key areas of Peter’s God like hair. The jiggle and the salt and pepper fine wine like finish can be used to support Buckinghamshire people who want to drop off their cats in my pockets. If Craig wasn’t so exothermic then Australia would be great for skiing holidays and Sarah would have been working on a tiny little pingu.

Throwing his boxer’s out of the car park at blonde hairdressers that cut week day shifts in public bathrooms, Craig helps to prevent crime in my life and serves as a whole cake for weddings with a backside covered in poop.

The jiggle jiggle went well with the magazine humour and I have been humping Peter’s glassware collection for nine years. I like the look of the nazi one. It feels like a leather handbag with a customer’s peanut butter sauce. Craig’s addiction to wanting more information about wanking is the best way to go through the use of a million Times newspaper’s and Kim is what we call the other women as I have watched her mop water the same way as Ann Robinson.

Maximum fever jelly is not available from shops. Which upsets Peter as he was looking forward to seeing you screaming about this erection. I guess you will just have to watch the game as Craig spurts vanilla ice cream on Peter’s nipples to the tune of the tardis.

“keep your head in the bucket” Craig moans as Kim jigging Peters pleased cat testicles. It is a sure way to get porn.

“I’m not going to have this climax on a regular basis” Peter shouted as the parents of kia ceed cars beg for your help with this list of computers in my pants.

Beach hotels located in aberdeen have organised meeting’s on Scottish power tops orgasms as they feel they are all in one go, to bad news for young children and adults alike, but Peter is not going to stop this blow job for me to eat this email.

After Craig and I eat these things called love, you can have time with Peter to get Sarah and Malcolm to the train station, the TV series is not rated for its accuracy of scrambled eggs but for the best way to get porn.

“Are we still needing this rabbit care helpline?” you call at the wall. Peter was enjoying the feeling of the stairs banister against his penis and Craig was joking about how it made the moon tingle.

After three years on acid free condoms, Craig has been sent a free trial period of catnip to sniff but it only makes me want to feel his anal hairdryer up the orgasms of my life. 

“I’ll get the hang of it” Peter whispered to the sofa as his cock slides deeply into Craig’s beard of time, now i get it's own private health care and the cotton wool is then used to work in the name of sex and bad groans.

When I return from the fortune of this classic car dealership, buttons on Craig’s shirt will have tickets for the Oscar’s and Kim shall steal the first marble penis for her birthday party in Denmark.   
I hope Peter gets the best price on that horse riding school. 

I know you are desperate to ride his face to the best ORGASMIC feeling of being a good jorts holder. It’s a great living.


	9. Will this ever stop?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm addicted to this crack shit, can you tell?

Being made of high profile cardboard boxes, Peter took a look at our house for the best place to put the ball of my favourite colour thongs.   
I will be sending you details of this wet anal orgasm and you can get your hands on Craig’s tie collection of kinks.

Throwing that party on the top of the hill in nazi occupied American Airlines flying from the Russian sex office, will not only do you good but I think it would be great for Craig’s erectile dysfunction. His meat isn’t what it used to be nowadays and the vegetables have shrunk the left hand nipple, though the the side effects are not rated yet.   
Peter can suck the best-dressed police officers in under a month which may be the result of the gigantic titties of judoons. 

Kim isn’t in the hall but sat on my phone and so it is getting better at least on business or pleasure and Craig likes to moan on the usage of virtual memory and it really does give me squishy knickers.

I hate to say that Peter is a cookie fucking great snog. But I lied about this orgasm and Craig cried when Sarah took his wife to Jamaica for your marriage party in the name of sex and bad credit ratings. The zip broke on my pants and now Peter is naked and rubbing himself to the story of the murder ball championships. Maybe his cock and I still have a date for applications in France for your email helpline on premature emasculated ponies.

“kiss me later in the name of all fart jokes” Peter purrs to your foot as I picked up Craig from the floor and the way Gordon Brown had a great time in han solos hair it is not hard to be happy about this new automatic gearbox for the condoms.

When the party don’t seem to stop and search through thousands of pounds of curved backsides, Craig is pretty good at tossing the floof to the dog and the the cat just stares in my soul.

Craig thinks Peter needs some knee high boots that will accent his fine thighs. I am sure you will agree that we all know that Peter likes to get high on the top of the fridge and sit on Sarah’s face in the name of sex and awkward moments.   
Nose to the yellow stain on the upholstery, Peter has a very good idea of what it is and how to use the premium quality flower bouquets of my own personal German fucking beanbag.

Square one is in my pants. It has Craig’s new handheld anal beads and you will need to get them up there with the crack porn before bed and breakfast in some way or we will all die from premium chocolate flavoured lubed condoms that are full and we will send the money to spermatozoa for university.

“love is in the name of nipples and local perverts” Peter tells me as he stares at Craig’s trousers.   
They’re all tense and he said he would like to see if his log was dripping. 

Declared in the summer of smooth forearms, we are looking for the first church of England to get the most just and casual wear of all allowed climaxes and the more space for you and Kim to get the best discounts on designer perfume, before Craig’s beard makes the world of difference between the two men and I am sure Peter can also cook it dinner with my family so we can all get off this crazy planet.


	10. Let's get high on this shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crack! Crack! CRRAACCK! Oh shit! ...lot of underwear in this one...

Baby kangaroos with the new year cleaning products were a high demand this Christmas. Peter was not sure what to buy for you and I have been working on the computer porn for Craig’s TV show, the first one to come to the sound of the cats fighting wins the latest version of this new boyfriend.

American waffles give Peter huge fucking poster bed erections that Craig got a new business start with. The throbbing grumpy underwear of time demands a good sacrifice of my favourite store brand cereal so you can get your hands on experienced nipples.   
Cream soda and cheese fondue is Craig’s best jacuzzi night in and Peter likes to see you in the name of sex with the bubbly mint chocolate. Chores and a half hour or so of BBC radio 4 will not give me pleasure when Kim and I have been working to improve the quality of our refurbished kitchen bar staff.

Peter can drop his pants by the end of the sausage roll Isle in tescos and the other bitch will scream about the mayonnaise on the phone.   
If Craig is arrested one more time, you may have to reschedule that kitty toe Bean massage and find out how much it would be to fly to China for breakfast.

We look forward to hearing back from this repository enema and I have a submission opportunity open to the bank of English power bottoms in the rear.

“Peter your cock jewellery is in my opinion fucking fantastic!” Craig blurted in the name of all that jazz. The TV series of orgasms to get the cheapest prices on new vacuum cleaners is a dream come true. They will celebrate with you and Sarah and Kim and Jack sparrow on the planet of my own underwear, that is powered by Peter sucking chocolate milk in the name of hairy and horny kilt wearing association.

The sofa beds in the UK and Ireland are not able to make sure you will find a job, but it is the most popular of the above mentioned to have been working through the use of public climate control over the way Peter gets so sweaty doing it in the name of venus for all the single ladies in the queue for the bathroom.

“What is your number?” Craig asked me, only for Kim to get mobbed by elite necromancers who drive an audi. Sarah isn’t a doctor so she can run the world along with Peter in the name of luxury chocolates and other friends in the best way have a great gay underpants party with horses on the plane home.


	11. Who stole more acid?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These damn punk boys...this acid is really good.

“Socks and your family are all really fucked” yelled Sarah as Peter cooked with you in the garden whilst Craig danced to the sound of bee’s. 

“It's not too bad, I am not a problem for you and I have been working on a tiny little penis map to find out what we can do” Kim replied only for Peter to moan and throw a pancake to her jumper.

“I need the money! Acid is the best! ” Craig whispered to the dog as I am sure you will find this whole world is a bit crazy.   
The summer of sixty nine made from the fortune of wet weather and dirty books is not rated the best way to get porn.   
Peter has found a new job in London for ice cream cheese and I will be able to make it easier for you to be in the new mobile pizza van and we can all be fine for the next orgasm.

Autumn is the best month of climaxing leaf porn. Peter and Craig look forward to hearing from you about the beards that they are erecting on my phone.   
The Oscars fucked Craig’s beard and he was so nice and easy to get to the train station after.

“it’s going to have a great horse riding sex marathon! ” Sarah and I yell as Craig and jumped on the bed and missed the deadline for the next orgasm.   
This annoyed Peter and Kim was forced to take a look at the willy of the post man who is a good drag artist on February fourteenth, I just wanted to check the prices of the best eggs but it was almost midnight and the Spanish were blocking the fence.

What your looking at, other than the intended recipient, might differ from the TV. Peter enjoys Sarah’s salad with her shaved legs and I will have to stop sitting in Craig’s lap on weekends because of the hard pointy object he was chasing ducks with yesterday.

When Doctor Who is in my life, I enjoy working with a backside full of raisins so that we can make it easier to get the cheapest knife to start a business of killing people’s feelings.   
On my way to get porn, Peter wanted a doughnut but he was going to be upset with you when you forgot his Strawberry milkshake!   
“Boobs to the Whitehouse!” Craig cried from the backseat of Kim’s yellow gold plated steel car with minty pants. He was always fond of fucking the chicken nuggets and ejaculting on the French toast.

You enjoy man cream on beans. Yes you do. I’m sure. Sadly Peter is not the best bed buddy and I think we should get a divorce from you. Recall I married Craig in the hall and I will be calling for my naughty girls in Belgium to dance to the sound of the garden tools carving ice hockey sticks out of the mattress as we run away with the book of karma sutra on a cruise ship in my mind.

Pledge allegiance to the robot skeleton army and we can spare time for the keyboard prediction storys. Craig is arrested for rubbing in public again and Kim is going to have to pay for the vhs version.   
After I get him back, I have to wash your social life of the smut sausage that Peter has been sent so we can add it to your biography. This is a good idea for your email. Please wait for me to do with the magazine before the bathroom is open, or you will need to wash the beard out of you hair. It gets really nasty. We should really get some more information on this.


	12. Oh what a rollercoaster!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay...so colds all gone...but...why the hell am i still writing crack...shit this shits addictive!

Murder mysteries were the most important thing on Halloween. Peter enjoys drag and drop off ceramic tiled liked TV series and the kitchen floor is a mess with cheese sauce because Craig made pie and I am allergic to the sex.

Walking around the corner of your home, I have found a way to get porn out of the mailbox that you and Kim can dance to with the beer festival as it is in town today.   
Peter took Craig away this week as he is not very well and I have yet to receive your email on this issue. A broken leg is not the only way to get a hold of his penis I guess.

Sarah’s touch screen laptop fell off the ground running this morning and I had to restart the phone last night since the early delivery of the curry we wanted was too spicy. Salsa is not specified as spicy but Craig’s nipples and hair dye was too much spicy.   
After the acid really ran out of battery life, Peter took a road trip to Scotland for the first power top he saw and I will be glad to hear if Kim found those underpants. You know the 3 with the ducks on? Yeah, those ones.

Under a full moon, Craig’s beard is beautiful. This is the best friendship with him on the boat we can even get.   
“keep the camcorder with the doritos!” he shouts as Peter picked a fight with you and that pantomime horse again over which bucket scarf looked best on the pug.   
After the throbbing grumpy man meat died down we all had dinner at your moms place in Sheffield.

“who is the sexual fist basher? ” Peter asked loudly when a man who was named Kevin Smith wrote on his arse. Sarah found it hilarious to the point where I am sure we should have called for a doctor. This will include the Mercedes-Benz semen stain removal, which Kim is in love with.

That biography of my life is treating you well, but I think it would be great for me to do you a promotion of my favourite store packaged penis repellants aside the banana deals.  
Condoms and the Russians compared to other people who have been a bitch, twats and fucks have been flying everywhere and im like wooo go blonde terry, in that case I would like to see you soon as possible for the best deal on sex.

Craig likes his feet kissed, I know because I might be on him already doing it. Kim has been such a good little boner that Peter Andre has been described as being the most popular of the car tune life songs. Peter is thinking to write her a letter to marry the cake.   
After a long period of erections, the first one to come has been a long and hard working person. Light of the bathroom is not working for you, so taking up the orgasms of time and money you are flying to Mexico City for the next mission and I will try to keep Peter and Sarah off the roof until you get back.

“This pillowcase of fucking ham isn’t as good as the postage viagra!” Craig grunts vividly humping the same stroke. “I’ll drink you and drive to work with it then” I reply as soon as you go out of the door of the bathroom.

Climbing out of the window made from solid pine trees made me laugh at the end of this week, I have to remember to watch that Russell Brand video on YouTube as Peter streaks past the post office again. 

Was there something in the acid?


	13. What do you do with...this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 Scottish Hotties, 3 women and acid...this shits amazing.

“Hit the nail polish!” Peter sqeaked as Sarah punched a good idea into the office of the twats and fucks.

It hasn’t been a good day. Craig is up In the jungle of my current ikea kitchen and dining set, we have not accessed in there for two days. I am not sure about anything else if the weather is not rated for posting porn on YouTube.   
After that polar bear Peter stole from the vets, we have to be ready to go to the Whitehouse for your gang of my tit fights, yeah big litter tray cats love great tits.  
Kim is feeling better now and I have been working on a map to get Peter to get the cheapest erected car horny horny horny horse racing. Wooop.   
Milk chocolate cake is great news for the next orgasm, but the main thing is the most important verbal abuse of my favourite sock porn which is on the discovery channel tonight. Join or die in Craig’s sweet dreams of sex and bad groans with sprinkles of Peter's favourite colours of Sean connery's chest hair.

“Help me out with this list of neighbouring businesses by going to the bathroom and having multiple orgasms” Craig asked Kim and myself so you can put Peter in the shower and toilet facilities in which case that the cat will stare at the window and I will go get sausages for dinner.  
The skill to be a good beard stroker of the rabbit, is not to mention the same nipple vibration as the parents of a new age punk rock bottom line fuckers who likes Scottishpower tops of shame.

Peter is not going to be any more helpful if you are looking to play with his tiny little bit cute penis. Really sorry but it’s still not huge. It’s kind of adorable and I will not only be used for laughing at the moment. I’m sure that you can get the most of it, but the main thing is that it is a sexy wobbly and I know that is how you like it.

West Midlands Police are appealing for witnesses to get the best price for online purchase of Craig’s children. Sarah stole the Ukraine prime minister to go to the public liability insurance office after Kim came back from spring break with a backside full of people who are looking for the best russian sex toys.

“This ice cream is not white” I shout when you’re free for all the cup final football crying. Peter was sad we had to remove the acid, but I think watching Craig poop in the neighbourhood sandbox on the school pe rugby union teams cheek has been such a long period of discussion with my soul that we are going to get married in the name of his sexy eyes. Again. This is the best.

Kim and Sarah are planning to come and join us for more than one occasion and we will send grass back to the UK when you get Peter to stop playing with himself and standing on the fence masterbating to the great British bake off.

The Pope John Lewis Hamilton the third of girth, has claimed that the new couch Peter ordered by phone is not rated user friendly and Craig refused to kiss you if he can’t get KFC in the car park at the movie.   
“Orange juice flavour orgasms anyone? ” Kim asks at the train driver as Peter sticks his wife out of the window blinds.

“My boxer’s are hard” Peter snorts, this was the last time I was wondering if anyone else is aware that the dolphin next-door to us is guaranteed to be purple, I am a bit worried this is not a dream.


	14. The product of a cheese sandwhich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't fucking know...just don't eat cheese before bed or you'll get addicted to keyboard crack!

“Revenge to the yellow pages” shouted Sarah and I when Peter fell asleep on the bed and he was covered in the afternoon carpet fluff with semen stains.

Craig is in the City of Edinburgh for your bra signing and is currently looking for a couple of twitching camels to come on. They are also available in black or red, which made me laugh.

Daniel Radcliffe has been sent out to buy Peter and Kim the complete directory for financial sex lawyers while Craig and I can see which toy we can play with first. You will need to be here to clean up the orgasms of a small number of elephants.

Just after the 5th annual beach moaning contest, Craig’s beard went off to the Queens toilet for a suck of Peters banana. This is a good time to get a absorbant meatloaf. I hope that lamb and rose cardigan will be able to hand over the last two years of anal health experience for Kim.

Plaid trousers are nothing but a problem for me and Craig, but Kim is not having a great deal of time to cook them for Sarah, so you can find out what the math is behind Peters junk food behaviour. I can't make him stop, oh my god he is still coming! It's everywhere and on the upholstery!   
Does anyone have a number for the balcony and sock cleaners?

“I am a beautiful person who has the right to take a piss in pot plants in June!” Peter says to the dog as I swim in the name of sex and bad news in a pool full of balls and Italian sausage. I love it when Craig is horny for apples and can speak to ducks.   
After the show is cleared of Sarah’s nipple clamps, Peter throws up the acid in my life with a cold towel up his backside.

March isn’t the best, I am sure that you are looking for a couple of French kissing frogs to get the cheapest flights to Bulgaria but Kim said that December is the best way to live with fur balls on a tiny plane. This was the first bad day of the month.

Feeling poorly, Peter needs to be petted gently so he can get the best farts out of the kitchen.   
“Oh my fucking rubber! Craig put some clothes on for god's sake!” Sarah huffed as I remind the police that you owe them more information about the money-saving crime we have planned.

“Whiskey and acid is a bad idea!” Craig tuts at Peter when his wife orgasms on the top of Kim’s car. That won’t help her insurance policy. Please note that I am not sorry for your special offers on discount kitty toe beans even if you have any questions about the under floor heating.

Can you tell me if this is yogurt? I am wondering what this stain on the bed is, but I am not sure if this is legal. Jumping in the hall with the magazine for your knowledge of Iceland, Craig is going to have a run of the local area in his underpants.

The neighbours will have to be ready for his birthday party on Saturday night as I can see that the new kilt he was going to write on hasn’t arrived yet, so penis and kangaroo testicles are going to hang out.

Is Peter still farty? I thought I smelt the best food around here somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crack-a-licious


	15. Chocolate caused this one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dont, even, ask.

Sex Snacking on a regular sized mushroom baguette, Craig is watching a film about the first time I had a good orgasm. This was the only thing that the jury and the kitchen staff would have him do today.

I’m sure Sarah and the cookies are not in use for squishy and water based jacket porn. Peter enjoys a solitary blow job in the hall at 5am and Kim loves to get the best views.   
In the name of all knitted girls and boys aged between us and the Russians, sex in the name of shame is very important for life skills.

Peter is easy to use, he has been a naughty fucker tonight and tomorrow morning Kim and Sarah will have to stop feeding him coffee if he is not a problem for the postman to penetrate.

“Give me your number and the name of your penis” Craig sniffed to the woman at the drive through window, Peter was horny for chicken nuggets and Sarah wanted to lick mustard off his knee. You can also order the bitch to dance to Justin beiber while the other bitch pours ice cream down my pants.

“What is your local boob and eyebrow treatment centre?” Peter shouted as he runs down the road in my frilly knickers. Talk about the size of your Pluto!

Spring is upsetting to the dog and I will be able to make sure that you can find a way to get porn out of bed, now available in 3d.

“Touch me now! Yeah fucking nice! You can go harder go on!”   
Craig loves it when Sarah scratches his testicle so that we can swim in the aftermath.

I know you’re thinking about Peter shaving, but his beard is here on holiday for the next 7 orgasms and the other bitch upstairs has been stealing his socks again. That damn bite to eat.   
I have doritos on the table and Kim is making Becca paint the cat with feverish intent of my favourite midnight blue sky colour.   
“Oscar’s and the new season of the football, can’t beat me dropping off the sofa bed” Peter grumbles when Craig kissed his foot. He loves it.   
“Who’s going to have a look at our pussy?” Kim asked me when Peter locked himself in the bathroom.   
Craig was not helpful about the incident and I will have to call the police station to get a meatloaf without cheese and feed the ducks.

Kicking in the door was not my fault but it would be great for kids who have been working in the name of sex and bad farts.   
I wonder if Peter is a dribbler or a shaker after he has a lovely singing prostate. This was not the intended idea.

England is not the only thing that I can think about when you are looking for sexual neck straps. I have been a bit more than happy with the quality of our refurbished oral erections and Craig is sticking it out the window again.

So you know we ran out of acid? I think it is sold in our wardrobe. Peter is not happy about it and is going to be sick on the upholstery if Sarah doesn’t have the right red bucket. Really sorry for the next orgasm since we were going to have a party of the Italians but visited Australia for porn.

Holidays in France and Spain for your very own little polar bear with the two pounds I’ve gained from the fortune-telling jury is the best mortgage offer I’ll ever have. This was the last time Peter got a huge amount of time for doctor who. Oh God he’s being cute again. I am not sure what to do with the bush of his hair, yes ladies the one down stairs.

“I might need more than a few bars of shame with this stylish spaghetti sauce” Peter said about the first time he had tried to call his penis. He called it a peanut.   
“it’s a telescope!” Sarah shouted as she jumped off the balcony at McDonald’s into a pool of my favourite mix of orgasms and Craig’s nipple sweat.

What the heck, I have no undies in the bus station, guess I will have to stop writing crack on weekdays.


	16. A bottle of scotch and a taco provides....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea...im serious.

“Bollocks to the underwear of a horse I have been painted as a peanut” Peter yelled as Sarah starts to sing high school musical.   
Craig was not amused and I have tea cakes for the next time he decides to go to the toilet on Broadway.

Jeans are the best way to get into seasonal porn this year. I’m sure Kim is not rated but it is all business flights from Manchester with the quality of our customers orgasmic food.   
After a long week in Spain, Peter and Kim have been working on a baby boy and I will be able to call it “in the name of sex and suspenders”

Craig is horny for some reason, I am not sure what to do with the two pounds of erections he has been poking in my face but the main thing is that I am a beautiful whore and Sarah will lick the bathroom floor of the sausage creamy white gold. Successful in this case, is how I feel that you are looking for a couple of twitching wet cats, lovely way to save money on your local library books.

“Fucking and cosmetic surgery!” Sarah reviews to the newsletter on the BBC. She has been such a good hobby collector and Peter will go to the beach in my pussy and throw away weird sheepskin socks.   
Kittens for sale near Glasgow are the best way to watch Craig vomiting to the sound of high quality hotel doorbells. The cute little bag of my own personal brand of sex is making a fish pie tonight and tomorrow morning craig will want a beard and more babies. Oh well, I better call me an ambulance.

It takes half a day, to get the opening ceremony for the moment you can get some pizza. Peter is not impressed with the quality and safety of the game so I order a new boss to get the best ice cream.

“As if they can do this, I am not sure if I can reach this automatic oral gearbox” Craig huffed as I waited for us to leave the house.   
Kim likes to sit on the roof of the car and eat doughnuts whilst yelling to the dog owners about furry foreskins.   
I’m sending Sarah and you on a mission to get the cheapest price for chinese people. I hear they are all well aware of the game and wish to be the first in each others bathroom.

Quoting the Pope John Lewis website for the next orgasm, we shall see if you are free to contact us at the end of the scotch eggs in sainsburys, I am looking for Craig. He farted and disappeared. This is the worst case scenario.

After Peter had a piss on the parsnips and threatened to whack the ticket lady with his super hard sonic dildo destroying machine, Kim is ready to have the wedding.   
This is great news for that special offer on jock straps. We have to contain the jiggle to the max.

Bed now and I am sure you have some time to see the tent in this situation. This will help me out for the next orgasm audition in kansas, remind me to get porn and ice cream.   
Oral evidence of Sarah farting in the pool is the most popular video on YouTube and I keep finding hairballs in the mail below the national press releases on my boobs.

Craig likes pillow cases that have been soaked in the pussy of twelve virgins from the TV show Countdown. He says that they are softer than a shit ton of cum. I don’t have any information about this, but I think it is a sexy song and we will dance to it all night long!


	17. It was too hot today...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm too warm, I feel ill and I'm bored at home alone...this happens.

Summer has arrived and I will be able to buy that trip to London for us to find out more about this product that is rated better than sex and bad credit history lawyers.   
“Bring on the bed snoring” Kim dances to rihanna when Peter is not in the kitchen and clearly in the car wanking.

“Bitch guess what your ass is fat!” Craig yells to the whovian on the roof.   
“thanks again, I love you too much” Peter replies as I watched it dissolve into triple x rated dry humping on the lawn.

Sarah is already in America for your convention on kittens and smelly socks. She’s currently at war with Craig to find out where he has been hiding the best one for her dildo. It gets cold.   
Just because they gotta read more information about the grass and the other bitch, twats and fucks I don’t give, we had to delay dinner by an hour.

I’m sending this orgasm to the front door of the Opera House, I’m sure that the kangaroos will enjoy the benefits.  
Craig is giving Peter a good bath.   
Don’t ask me why. But I think it was a decent job search for a few hours.   
“You are such a cute little nipple” Craig whispered and Peter came.

“Hands off my white gold, the TV series is about to start with Kim’s bra as special guest!” I call and Sarah climbed in the window dressed as a Xmas tree. “I’ve got a jungle on me chest!” she said as Sean connery screamed about camels in a far away hotel.

Finally we did the shopping and I am proud of Peter who didn’t attack the man on customer service and faced his fear of escalators.  
Kim is going on a hen party with the cast of x factor and Craig is having a drunk staring contest with my ironing board. Who put acid in the brownies??

“Donkey’s make the world go round” Sarah sighed into Peter's crotch and Craig got jealous.   
“Batman is a better fuck, I think iron man would be like shagging the eiffel tower backwards” he explained.   
I’m shocked. But the glint in his eye out on the balcony told me that the light came back with the following answer:

“British Airways flight attendants have the best boobs”

Pizza parties are best when naked and wet and in a gay pool.   
“I didn’t know your cock floated like a puppy!” Kim said to Peter when he was swimming.   
“Craig is bigger” I shout causing a good argument and I was pushed into the hot tube for bubble sex for being naughty.   
“I like being in the hall naked” Peter said as Sarah gave him a blow job on the bed.  
Craig's cannon is hard. It’s gone off three times in the morning but I think it needs more tugging.

My body is required by law to bend over to the sound of the Ricky Martin and take it like a good frog.   
At least Kim bought frozen yogurt.


	18. I don't know what the hell this is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 2 hour car ride and the bad weather made this...

Summer. Hot water and earth wet. It’s not our favourite of the week but the sun is good for the cats.   
Craig gasped as he did the chevy to my leavy dance under the sprinkler. 

“let me call you when I’m sober” Peter launched as I have two more pina coladas with penis cream.

Kim throws a towel at the post man who asks her to marry him.   
“Cunt go kiss a hormonal teens training top I’m not going anywhere near your floppy piss wiggle”

Account Numbers of people in the church are a past time for Sarah who calls for more police horse sex riding schools.

“Who has my swimming shorts?” asks Craig when I opened the scoring pool.   
Peter is already naked and blowing stuff up.   
“some one call jesus! Craig has a nipple ring!” Kim shouts at becca who falls into my post comments on Facebook.

Sarah likes bbqs. She like her meat raw. Kim likes hers well done and little sex and suspenders is not rated friendly with power shower heads.   
“Put mayo on my sausage!” Craig shouts to Peter as he lines up his dogs. “oh you know you do!” he laughs putting his wife in his pants.   
“Creamy” Kim comments casually as I bring out the ceaser salad.

Is it me or does marks and spensers need a line of dildos. I’m shocked they are not open minded people who like chocolate dick shaped food.

Peter puts on some Coldplay and we have a volleyball party in wetsuits. “Gooooaaallll”

I’m unsure if blink 182 are still 182.   
Sarah has announced her engagement to Craig’s beard and we have planned a Christening for their fuzzy kitty babies.

I still own his dick and Peter has rights to his ass so we flatshare on weekends.   
“Kat needs to marry corbin’s beard!” Peter shouts when he sees me getting pissed at that blonde cunt on the TV again.   
The other bitch upstairs comes down for some man turned meat and mayo before agreeing with me.   
“I’d rather marry your left tit Peter.” I shout when Craig got jerk seasoned and dragged me to bed.

“Do the Drake, Drake, Drake!” Kim sings as she dances on the roof of the car throwing bras at lawyers and using the ketchup to blind David Cameron.

“when did David Beckham arrive?” asked Becca when the email is down and Airwaves is not the top chewing gum any more.   
“five minutes from the end of time” I say as Sarah steals Elaine and locks her in the walk in wardrobe before eating Peters mayo sausage.

With the wine on top of my boobs we have a guinness world record for orgasms while Craig and Peter make leaf Angels in the hall.

“Road trip!!!” Sarah shouts when she gets that range rover from eBay.   
“Skiing” Craig yells before falling asleep in the back.

I’ve no idea what or where we are going to, but if you want to know if we survive on the hunt for the world's largest acid stash get in the fucking boot and watch for the cops.


	19. GONE, GONE, GONE, GOOSE!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woke up at 8am and wrote crack to go back to sleep. :P

Hot water and the kitchen floor is a good example of how Peter can ice skate in my socks with a beard.   
As winter months approach, Craig has been sent out to buy a new phone so you can see just how bitch I’m fabulous his wife thinks his other wife is.

Loads of people who are looking for the next orgasm shall be deemed as unworthy to watch Peter and you take place in the UK Olympic Cum shooting finals. I’m not fussed. But I want my bathroom clean afterwards.

Sarah’s gone missing. I’m sure that with some cheese and a jar of farts from the hamster we can find her. Kim’s already checking the roof of the car.

“My log is hard” Peter whispers into Craig’s soft fluffy ears.  
“That’s the cat” Craig moans back as he is raiding the fridge.   
“I wondered why you had a small dick” he teases eyeing the gentleman who is stuck in the tree in the garden.

I hope this issue gets a chance to win the lottery.   
Becca has made a killing with paint. Literally twenty dead in the space of our refurbished hallway.

Oh god Peter's beard has challenged Craig’s beard to a wrestling match on the windowsill and they’re going to be eaten by trouser snakes!   
“Someone get the vaseline!” Kim shouts trying to pull off the table and getting the best boob job offer from Amazon.

Sarah’s is still missing. I’m not kidding.

“Sonic dillos” snorts Peter as they find a way to start watching Craig’s hidden porn.   
“Good baby name” you reply and his penis thinks this too as it makes a newspaper article on how wet and squishy the sofa beds are after that Scottish Power tops foursome.

The Skiing holiday home was like OMG STHAP and Craig passed out on Kim who missed the floor and landed on the Chancellor of the external toilet plungers.   
Messy.

“I’m making more snow” Peter smirks to you as he wanks off in the garden into the snow turning it Scottish. Poor quality of life that turned out to be.   
“Cunt go to the box you’ve hit your orgasm limit” Craig shouts before phoning the police to inform them he just saw Milo licking his phone.

“He’s not mine!” Kim shouts when sex and suspenders is caught in a strip club and the Russians keep him for a way to start making something to do with breastfeeding.   
I’m like WTF. Can we cuddle?   
Anyway, so if we order pizza can it be possible to get double glazed windows to go? I’m feeling a bit horny.

“Where’s Sarah?” asks the postman who is a guy called Shirley.   
“Aberdeen” Peter launched and it results in hard drive use of the bathroom wall and a sausage.

Hot chocolate and beer later makes the hole in the roof worthwhile. Sarah’s isn’t up there either. Craig is arrested for missing her vagazzled pussy and I will have to go to Scotland to bail him out.

Hope Sarah is there.   
Nope, just frogs.

“I want another baby” Kim says as becca is seen on TV painting the eiffel tower in all shades of blue.   
Peter is the only one left so my sofa bed got broken and I lost consciousness when I saw the daleks she was carrying.

“Who did you get stuck into?” I ask when davros turns up to destroy Peter and take Kim for her babies.   
“Craig…..DAVID!”   
The sass master has had enough and the disappointed sigh from Craig’s testicles gave India an earthquake.

“I need acid” says Peter with a hand in my pants.

“New Zealand sucks balls! Even I can beat Great Britain in tennis and I don’t have balls” Sarah shouts from the kitchen eating nachos and pouring Craig’s Cum on them like sour cream.

Oh, so that’s where she got to.


	20. Brussels and Divorces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His oranges didn't survive the whipped cream and now he's single.

Peter is sick of hearing people going on with the EU. Brussels Airlines flying back on my ass must be a problem.

Loads of leafs and trashed cds are stuck in Kim’s gutter and Peter isn’t helping us improve our nipple rings by spreading his seed oil all over the weekend.

“Right now I am not sorry, call me a lawyer!” Kim shouts at the neighbour's dog and we divorced the two Scottish men. Craig seems upset. His oranges didn’t survive the whipped cream and now he’s single.

Flying out to Jamaica, Peter and Becca take us down to the club to get ‘wid the best stallions’.

Craig has said that skiing is not going to be good for man’s life or his penis. He found that pervy German again and I’m jealous of the kittens in those tortilla wraps.   
“Is the largest TV in my pussy?” Peter yells ramming his hand down the nearest ladies pants and decorating the whole room with the evidence.   
I was thinking he was nuts. Now I’m not sure.

Kim brought hot chocolate in his pants and Craig screamed about spiders.   
Spandau ballet are back, but we're going to see Sting instead because Peter has a dirty testicular crush on the blonde piece of walking sexual incognito mess.   
I’m not kidding his right testicle is missing, but I the police we're busy counting meerkats to help.

While you were away the garden got bushy. So bushy. Bushy of bushy that George W. BUSH bashed his name in on Craig’s condom statue of Drew Carey.

Winter is coming.  
And by that, I don’t mean my penis.


End file.
